is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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