I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
