They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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