and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I am one with the molecules
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
