weddingsv make me drug and hornr
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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