He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
