his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
