Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
