Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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