That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
