Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I could make wine with my vomit
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
