he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
