I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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