Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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