We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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