Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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