standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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