All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize