I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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