This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Damn victory sex feels great
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
