Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
