I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Sober January is a disaster.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
