I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
