I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
