At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize