I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
How does one acquire holy water?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
