Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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