Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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