he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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