Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize