Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
