I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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