conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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