good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
