Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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