I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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