I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
