Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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