apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
