Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
