Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
