Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
