ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I have tasted many bathrooms
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
