Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Boobs are out for the taking
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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