WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If I die, sorry about rent.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
