There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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