Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
