I'm lost and stupid without you.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize