Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
