Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
