She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Shitshow foam night was such a success
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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