I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
