I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
