I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
