i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
