who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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