Life is so much better after having sex.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
