She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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