Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Vodka?
Forever.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
