I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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