Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
