there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
