I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
