There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
