when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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