CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
