I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize