I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
