It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
