When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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