Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Use "feeling words"
Yay
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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