I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
